How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry
hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make
mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg
cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner
enhanced with real passion fruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for
10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa
cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bath mat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel
on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.

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How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed
and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her
making the woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse
them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and
surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck
on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat.

Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch
water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and
fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her
and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

*************************************************************

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the
truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!!

The message below is what Mom posted on my previous update post. I put it here to be sure all of you can see it. She told me on the phone earlier that she visited a couple of blogs, but hasn't been able to get to everyone's. She will & says to thank you all for everything.

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I left a note of gratitude on Randy's blog but wanted to leave one here also. I am home and "repaired". Thank you one and all for your prayers and well wishes. It really gave us peace to know so many people were praying for me. Wow - what a global prayer chain! Thank you for your love and concern. Lucy - thank you for pointing the way to Randy and Secret's blogs. Secret - what a blessing you are to our family. We love you. To all of you I send love and hugs.

Randy's Mom



by Txoldham on Saturday March 24, 2007 @ 5:25 PM

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I'm SO glad you're home & on the road to recovery!! Prayers are amazing & you can see here on the Stream just how many of these loving people have been praying, lighting candles, sending good thoughts/vibes, & whatever they do - just for you.

I love you, Mom!

Sis called & said that the angioplasty went well, & they put a stint in her artery. They were immediately "happy" & full of color as the blood flow was there. Her coloring also returned quickly. She is being moved to a room & is supposed to get to go home tomorrow.

Needless to day, we are all so relieved!

Thank you to all of your for your prayers, thoughts & wishes.

We love you!!

Secret & Randy

I just received a call from Randy's sister telling me that his mom, txoldham, is in the hospital.

She recently fell & broker her tail bone, but there's nothing they can do about that. She has also been having pain in her arm & they found this morning that it's something with her rotator cuff. These two are minor details even though she's in a lot of pain.

She has also been having chest pains & so her husband told her today that they were going to the hospital & were not going to wait any longer. This is where she is now - in the hospital.

The doctor said her heart is very strong, but Mrs. Oldham has a blockage. They are going in tomorrow morning at 9:00am & doing the balloon on her. We probably won't know anything until around 11:00am.

Please come together with prayers for her to come through this with flying colors. We dearly love her - especially Randy, as this is his mother.

Thanking you all in advance for your prayers, & we love you all dearly!

Hey! I'm doing a "drive by" **zoooooom** on the stream tonight while it's quiet. I'm on vacation from work & spending time with the kiddos while they're on spring break.

Yesterday was pre-warned "spring cleaning day", so they didn't have much fun. But, for me (as a mother) I had the upper hand here! You get your cleaning done without any fuss & then we can enjoy the week. If ya don't, well, I guess we'll be spending each day cleaning a little here & a little there.... Guess what? My house got cleaned! Everyone pitched in & got the job done!

My mother came over Sunday morning to visit & is still here. She decides each night, when it's time for me to take her home, that she wants to stay again.

I got a very early morning call today to inform me that Randy's car is finally ready. So, once we got up & ready, Randy, Tay & I went to pick it up. He was so relieved to have his ride back!

Today ended up not being a fun day for any of us (except Randy). I knew I had to run B by the doc this week (sty in his eye) so it ended up being today. My mom's poodle was attacked again by the 2 dogs across the street. He has to puncture wounds in his side. Luckily they weren't too bad this time. I doctored him up. Last year, they damn-near killed him! He's about 12 yrs old, so he's been around for a looooong time. Mother would have a cow if something happened to her Snowball. I can't believe this happened again at my house. Randy is going to call them tomorrow & inform them that they MUST do something with their monsters. That 3 times that they've attacked my dogs in the last 3 years.

Lulu has been gone most of the time. She stayed with her friend down the street Saturday night (slumber party) & then again Sunday night. Today, another friend came to get her so she could spend the night over there & play. Little miss popular strikes again! She's having a blast even though I miss her being here.

B went to spend the night with one of his friends tonight, so it's only me, Tay, Randy & my mother here tonight. We've just chilled & watched movies.

Hopefully, tomorrow afternoon will be our day to maybe go to the movies or something. I've got to get the other two back home first.

Anyhoo, I hope you're all having a great week!!